Harry Potter and the Secret of Moulting
by Skaja VII
Summary: The after effects of Snape and McGonagall's little tryst. Harry hears voices, Clarence the purple duck makes a confession, and everthing is distinct....or is it? Dun dun dun!
1. Default Chapter

   Author's Note: We wrote this on a sugar high.

   …or did we?

   Dun dun dun!

*******

  Snape and McGonagall went to the dungeons. They hopped on the good foot and did the bad thing. Then they went back to teaching class.

The End

…or was it?

Professor McGonagall looked distinctly rumpled.

Harry put his hand into the air. "Professor McGonagall?"

"Yes, Mr. Potter?"

"Why do you look distinctly rumpled?"

McGonagall gave him a stern look. "That is none of your business."

Harry, being the persistent, curious, Gryffindor twit that he is, raised his hand again.

"Yes, Mr. Potter?"

Professor McGonagall now looked exasperated as well as rumpled. Distinctly.

"But Professor…I really want to know."

She glared.

"It could be educational."

She smirked back at him. "Yes, Mr. Potter. It very well could be."

Harry was confused. Isn't he always?

Yes, but that's not the point.

"Hey, who are you?"

Professor McGonagall glared at Harry for speaking aloud. She had been lecturing about the importance of fur shedding.

"Is there something you would like to share with the class, Mr. Potter?"

Yes, my enormous fortune.

"Yes, my enormous fortune. Wait, did I say that aloud?"

Sucker.

"Sucker."

"What was that, Mr. Potter?"

Ron elbowed Harry in the ribs. "What in the bloody hell are you doing?" he whispered.

Hitting on McGonagall.

"Hitting on McGonagall." He whispered back. "Wait…no I'm not…who the hell are you?"

Heh heh. Wanker.

"I'm Ron, you sodding-"

"Wanker."

"WHAT?!"

Professor McGonagall looked dangerous now. "Potter, Weasley! 25 points from Gryffindor and detention- unless you can tell me why moulting is detrimental to your existence."

They both, predictably, turned to Hermione.

Hermione shrugged. "I don't know. You two were making such a racket, I couldn't hear the lecture."

Because it causes hormonal reactions that make one want to-

"Oh, like I believe _that's_ the answer."

Ron stared at Harry. "What are you _on_?"

Professor McGonagall glared at them. "Well?"

They looked vacantly back.

Because it causes hormonal reactions that make one want to-

"I'm not listening!"

Professor McGonagall looked entirely irritated. "Well, that much was apparent, Potter. Or else you would've known that moulting causes hormonal reactions that make one want to jump an elder wizard or witch."

Harry's freakishly jewelled eyes went wide.

"My eyes are not freakish!"

Whatever.

"That was the _answer_?"

Told ya.

"Shut up!"

Ron glanced at Harry with an expression of utmost confusion. "I didn't say anything…"

Hermione rolled her eyes at them both. "Honestly, you two. Get it together."

"Most agreed, Miss Granger." Dumbledore's disembodied voice rang in the distance.

"Albus?" Professor McGonagall looked up anxiously.

Seamus turned to Dean. "I wonder if she's been doing a lot of moulting lately…"

"I heard that!" cried Dumbledore indignantly. "I wish…"

Hermione was quite perplexed. "Did anyone ever notice how creepy Dumbledore sometimes is?"

A chorus of "duh" rang out in the class.

Parvati wrinkled her nose. "And did I mention, ew?"

A chorus of "eww" followed.

McGonagall sighed. "Class dismissed. Potter, Weasley, report here after your lessons for detention."

Ron and Harry groaned and gathered their books as they prepared to go to…

Potions!

Dun dun dun!

"What in the name of Merlin?"

Quiet, you.

"But I'm the main character!"

…or so he thought…

Dun dun dun!


	2. chapter 2

When Harry and Ron walked into Potions class, they noticed that Snape looked distinctly less Snape-like today.

Distinctly.

Harry turned to Ron- the love of his life. Not that Ron knew, or anything. Ron was involved in a long-term relationship with Draco, who was secretly snogging Hermione in the magical broom closet.

Oh what convoluted lives they lead.

"True."

"What's true, Harry?" Ron asked.

"Oh…er…Snape looks distinctly less Snape-like today."

"Distinctly." Hermione agreed.

"For one, look at his hair!" Draco squealed.

Snape's hair was distinctly shiny and voluminous. It was as if he'd seen the softer side of a shampoo bottle.

It was almost as if he'd…washed his hair.

The students shuddered at the thought.

And not only that, he…smiled.

At Harry.

(The love of his life, not that Harry knew. Harry was under the impression that Snape had a thing for Hagrid.)

"What? I don't think that!"

Sure you don't.

"Wait a minute, Snape is _in love with me?!"_

Snape glanced at Harry. "Erm…Mr. Potter…if you could take your seat…"

Harry blushed and sat down beside his lover, Neville.

A soap opera theme plays in the distance…

…for these are…the days of our lives…

"Of my life, you mean! So quit messing with it!"

Snape now looked even more amused.

The students shuddered at the thought.

"Mr. Potter, if you'd care to share…" he said with a dopey grin. "I rhymed!"

Fred and George popped in. "You see, there were these special brownies…"

Seamus' purple duck Clarence nodded in agreement. "I love you Harry!"

"Seamus, did you just say 'I love you, Harry'?" Hermione questioned.

"No, that was my purple duck, Clarence." Seamus replied.

Hermione gasped. "Clarence! You git! I thought you loved _me…_"

Snape cleared his throat. "Well, now that that's cleared up…"

"What, your throat?" asked Harry.

"No, the fact that Clarence, Seamus' purple duck, was the one to say 'I love you, Harry!'."

"You _love_ me?"

Snape sighed. "Oh, never mind."

"I mind! I mind a lot!"

"Well, apparently it doesn't work very well." Ron said with a grin.

"That's besides the point!" Harry cried indignantly.

"True." Agreed Hermione.

…or was it?

"Shut up!"

"I didn't say anything!" cried random students.

"Hey, when did the Hufflepuffs get here?" inquired Dean.

"About the time Fred and George Apparated…" Seamus replied.

"You can't Apparate on Hogwarts grounds!" cried Hermione.

…or can you?

Dun dun dun!

"That was ominous." Harry remarked.

We'd like to think so.

"So there are two of you!"

Or more. Deductive, Potter.

"I'd like to think so."


End file.
